walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize