he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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