You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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