I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
