Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
