he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
