Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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