Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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