Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
