I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
