Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
