yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
