I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
