how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
