I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
