did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
