Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
