One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
