Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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