you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
