I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
