So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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