All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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