she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
