ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
