He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
