just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you win again, gameday.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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