I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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