Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
