she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
