i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
