So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How naked do you want me to be?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize