so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
