I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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