I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had to cum in my sink.
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