dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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