This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
