When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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