you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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