even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize