Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
