Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
