Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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