Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
