I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
