Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
