Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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