my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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