My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize