yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
