Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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