He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
