I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize