dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
