Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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