why didn't you poke me back
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
