the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
