my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
