dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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