I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
