Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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