The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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