you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
