I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
