someone threw a dead crab at me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
