I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
