i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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