I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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