At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
