do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
