i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
