the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
