You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't turn off my feet"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
