Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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