you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
