She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
that's an acceptable place to lick
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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