I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
