I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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