no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
