Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
