420 ftw
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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