this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
