The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
