right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
