but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i will never coherently bang her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
