You're my little dorito
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
