just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
