Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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