kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
