If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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