I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize