she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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