I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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