just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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